Can we see some alts?
Hello, it’s us again. The legal team.
Listen, we really hate to bother you, but we’ll need more alts. No, this isn’t about your work. This feedback is, well, more personal. We need an alt for you. Because of the alts you’re providing, our least favorite is you. You’re feeling Alt 1 right now, and we want you to be more Alt 2. Then, can we see some alts to those alts?
Please see our collected feedback below:
While we see what you’re going for with your wardrobe, we’re not completely convinced. More alts! It’s signaling both try-hard and not trying hard enough. It’s just, I don’t know, off? Have you considered having more fun with it? Please revise with a few options. We’ve attached some approved photos of Jon Hamm for reference.
And we’ll need to see some alts regarding your day-to-day interactions. Yesterday, you mentioned “I’m ready for whatever the day brings.” While we agree with the intent and attitude is A+, we’re unsure what you mean by “whatever.” Please soften.
Adding to that, the joke you said yesterday at the company meeting could be interpreted wrong way. And, to be honest, we didn’t find it funny. Go ahead and remove humor altogether. No alts.
Which leads us to your personal life. Looking on your website, this family photo is way off mark. Lose the one of the left. Move the girl further to the left and way further back. Go ahead and nix the boy on the right. Not loving your smile here, either. Can we see some alts to all of this?
We would like to point out that in the state of New York it is against the law to throw a ball at someone’s head for fun. This is important to note because if this weren’t illegal, we would be throwing a ball at your head for fun. Unless you have any alts?
Let’s see, going through your Instagram, let’s just lose that and any other online presence altogether.
And, to be honest, we’re not loving your living space. Seems a little dark and depressing. Please reconsider for consistency, or simply remove.
Your voice is a little nasally. Doesn’t align. We want to see some new options.
And that stupid little look on your face may be off putting to some. Or maybe it’s just your face. Revise or remove altogether.
Don’t like you. Please remove, or provide an alt.
Let us know if you have any questions.